


The Storm That's Brewing

by keyboardsmashed33



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Human Sides (Sanders Sides), M/M, Other, Roommates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-14 16:49:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21162956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keyboardsmashed33/pseuds/keyboardsmashed33
Summary: Virgil, Patton, Roman and Logan move into an apartment with each other and discover they all share a common secret.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> GUYS IT'S BACK AND IT'S UM not very similar to the original which I think is a good thing  
I'm gonna post every 2 weeks probably on a Sunday night because yes   
I'm just posting this early because in excited ok

"Have you got everything?" Virgil's aunt asked, unpacking the last box from the car and placing it on top of the pyramid-like stack they'd created on the pavement.

"Yep,  think so!" Patton said cheerfully. Virgil wasn’t so sure. He walked around the pyramid a few times, as Patton started picking up two of the lighter boxes from the top.

Virgil nodded his approval and grabbed the closest box, which rattled as he adjusted his grip. 

"You boys start taking these up, I'll wait here with the rest and help you with the final few." Aunt Em said. Virgil and Patton agreed in varying degrees of excitement and started walking towards the entrance of the apartment building- a tall, yellow-ish,brick building with a fire escape up the right hand side and ivy creeping up the front. The building looked well-maintained, as Virgil could have hoped for the price the apartment cost. Of course, the apartment was the cheapest of all the other equally sized apartments they'd seen, but it did still require four people to pay for the three bedroom home. 

"Wait!" Virgil called out, making Patton halt in his tracks. Virgil looked back at the box tower and scanned the boxes again, "What was it Logan asked us to bring?" 

"I think he asked us to bring the kitchen supplies." Patton said.

Virgil quietly cursed. 

"We forgot the only thing our new roommate asked us to bring. He leased the apartment we're going to be staying in and we forgot the only things he asked us to bring. God, we have to live with him for how long? He's gonna think we're lazy or-" 

“Virgil! Sweetie," His aunt interrupted, "Look at what you're carrying." 

Virgil tilted the front face of the face upwards, where "cookery stuffs" was written in his own rushed handwriting. "Oh." 

Aunt Em chuckled, "See you boys in a minute."

Virgil walked begrudgingly into the large yellow building.

The inside of the building looked much nicer drab than Virgil had expected. Or perhaps more lively was a better description. Large potted plants and hanging plants sat in every free space along the walls. Behind a particularly large tree-looking plant was a bright orange painting with strange spiral designs that gave Virgil a headache from just half the picture. 

Tearing his eyes away from the headache-inducing painting, Virgil spotted the elevator behind a fairly large, palm tree-looking plant and headed that way, narrowly avoiding a collision with a hanging basket of God knows what. Seriously, who lived here? Poison Ivy? 

Despite their apartment being on the fifth floor, and Virgil's absolute lack of athletic ability, Virgil decided it was best if he avoided the elevator. Who knew would could go wrong? Plus, it'd be faster if he fetched more boxes while Patton went up, and it wasn't like he was in a rush to meet the new roommate. Judging solely by the way he texted, with full punctuation and grammar, the guy was bound to be weird, if not a bot. Although his other roommate, who literally spammed the group chat all day, didn't seem much better. Who thought it was a good idea to move in with two strangers they'd never met before?  _ Oh right, _ Patton. As soon as he'd seen the ad for the apartment, he was set on the idea. And once he'd started talking with Logan he was completely adamant (personally, Virgil thought it was because Patton had a crush on him, although Patton denied it). Of course, Virgil wasn't going to let him do it alone. They could at least get murdered together.

"You sure you wanna meet him on your own? He could be a serial killer." Virgil asked, putting his box down next to Patton in the elevator.

Patton put his hands on his hips, "Now, now, I doubt he's had time to stock up on cereal just yet." He paused for Virgil to laugh, to which he only received a slight huff. "Kiddo we've talked about this. Me and him have been chatting for months and he's perfectly fine." 

Virgil raised an eyebrow, "You think he's fine?"

"Yeah." Patton said confidently. Virgil smirked. 

"Not like that! I mean, I don't know, I haven't seen him yet. But anyways he's not a murderer."

"He uses perfect grammar!" 

Patton shook his head and pressed the button for the fifth floor. "I'm not saying I'm going to die, because that's a horrible thought for you, but if I  _ did _ die that means you'd get my fluffy fox blanket. I know how much you love that thing."

Virgil considered for a moment. "True. Okay good luck, remember that self defense class we had to do last year." He left his boxes with Patton, who was practically buzzing with excitement to meet Logan, and went back to the car to fetch a few more boxes where he found his aunt chatting with an unfairly attractive guy. 

The guy towered above Virgil's aunt, although she was only 5'2" so everyone towered above her, except Patton who was only an inch or two taller. The guy couldn't be any taller than Virgil, but he suited the height a lot more. While Virgil looked like an uncomfortable, gangly daddy long legs (a metaphor Patton hated), the guy had broader shoulders like the sort of jock Virgil used to crush on in high school. Bad memories.

He wore only white button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up and skinny black jeans (that, unlike Virgil’s, had no tears in them) which was a totally inappropriate outfit for the chilly October weather that had Virgil shivering in his hoodie. The air grew warm around Virgil as he approached.

Seeing Virgil awkwardly hovering behind them, Aunt Em waved to him. The guy turned around to greet him and-  _ holy shit he's beautiful,  _ Virgil thought. His perfectly styled hair and low-key makeup defied the stereotypical jock-type Virgil has been picturing, which was probably for the best. Pretty much all of the jocks at his school were straight and Virgil really hoped this guy wasn't. 

"You must be Virgil," he said. "You're kind of exactly how I expected you to be." 

"Uh, what?" Virgil asked, impressed that he'd managed to articulate any words in the face of this Greek sculpture looking snack.

"This is your new roommate!" Em announced. Virgil's heart dropped. Crushing on a roommate was a huge mistake. There's no way that was going to end well.

Virgil's new roommate, who by process of elimination must have been the spammer, extended his hand to Virgil, "Roman King. Nice to meet you." 

Virgil shook his hand hesitantly, very anxious that his own was sweaty- that wasn't the first impression he wanted. Although, the guy already seemed to have an impression of him. "You already know I'm Virgil, apparently. What do you mean I'm just like you expected." 

Roman let go of his hand, much to Virgil’s dismay. "In the chat you've made at least ten references to emo songs and well…" He gestured at Virgil's exclusively black outfit.

"Alright fair enough," He conceded. "But you understood the references so you're not much better." 

"Of course I did, who didn't have an emo phase?" Roman exclaimed. 

Virgil wanted to comment that in his case it wasn't a phase but decided not to out of fear of sounding like a post on 'r/imfourteenandthisisdeep'. "Logan probably didn't. All the references went right over his head."

"If he  _ has _ a head. There's a very good possibility he's just some very advanced bot luring us into his lair so his minions can use our corpses to build the robot a body." 

"Isn't that an episode of Buffy?" Virgil asked. He knew for a fact it was an episode, but he wanted to know if Roman was a fan of the show; judging by the huge smile on Roman's face, he was.

Virgil’s aunt, who’d been silently watching this back and forth, cleared her throat. The two boys immediately turned to face her. “Oh no, don’t let me stop you two.” She said. The two exchanged a look but remained silent. “Oh alright then, why don’t you two take some boxes up then? You can continue while you walk.” 

"Of course." Roman agreed. The box tower offered him a lot of options, but he chose the box full of books which was probably the heaviest.  _ Was he trying to show off, or did he think Vigil was too weedy to carry it himself? _ Virgil wondered. In all honesty he didn't care about the answer, since it meant he didn't have to carry the box himself.

'Blankets' was the lightest box Virgil could spot that was on his side of the pyramid so he grabbed that one, and a smaller box Virgil had labeled 'robot food' which contained all their chargers and electronics other than their phones. If Logan indeed was a robot or cyborg he hoped this would appease him and he may spare them. "Be right back." He told Aunt Em, then awkwardly smiled at Roman and started walking. 

"So how'd you meet my aunt?" Asked Virgil in an attempt to avoid awkward silence, which was unnecessary as just that second he walked right into Patton. 

“Oh Virgil! Who’s this?” Patton asked, trying to get a good look at Roman whose face was hidden behind the huge box he was carrying (like a show off).

“Pat, this is Roman-" He struggled to remember Roman's last name. Had he really been that distracted? "Queen?" He guessed.

“King." Roman corrected. "But I am a queen too, so…" Virgil internally scolded himself. He was close with the royalty, but no cigar.

"Same thing." Virgil said carelessly. He hoped Roman interpreted the whole thing as a joke rather than the truth of his gay panic induced short-term memory loss.

“I'm Patton Summers. It’s great to meet you! Are you our new roommate or just a kind stranger?” Patton asked. 

“I am indeed your roommate. I would shake your hand but...” He raised his box of books a little higher.

“Oh of course! I can take those up in the elevator and you two can go get some more?” Patton suggested. Virgil shrugged. 

The elevator was already waiting when they got there. 

“Are you sure you can take all these by yourself?” Roman asked when the elevator was stocked with boxes, Patton standing in the centre. 

“Well, I am a little boxed in, aren’t I?” Patton joked. 

Roman laughed. Virgil tried to suppress the smile creeping into his face. He loved Patton's quick wit, even after 20+ years of near constant dad jokes. Patton really didn't get enough credit for how smart he was, in Virgil's opinion. But still, he had a reputation to uphold. 

"We'll meet you back here in a few minutes with more boxes?" Virgil suggested.

"Sounds good to me!" Patton agreed. "Are you alright with that, Roman?" 

Roman smiled. "Of course. It was lovely meeting you by the way." 

Patton pressed a button in the elevator. "You too! I'll see you both in a jiffy." The doors closed.

-

It took Virgil and Roman eight trips to move all the boxes on their own. Patton offered to help, obviously, but they unanimously decided that it was the quickest if Virgil and Roman brought the boxes to Patton in the elevator who took them upstairs where Logan helped move them into the apartment. Since Logan didn't join Patton in the elevator, Virgil assumed he had began unpacking everything. Or he was a dick (or had no physical form yet). There were several possible explanations, but Virgil stuck with his initial idea because he was feeling oddly optimistic. Roman had been a lot more pleasant than Virgil originally expected, so hopefully the case would be the same with Logan.

Sure, a few light-hearted insults had been thrown around, but he swore Roman started it. Maybe he'd called Roman a knock-off Disney prince and One Direction's only remaining fanboy, but he'd claim memory loss if faced with this information. Okay Virgil totally started it. He had a weird way of flirting.  _ No, not flirting, _ Virgil insisted,  _ flirting with his new roommate would be a terrible idea. Bonding with him, getting to know him. Like roommates do.  _

The irrational and annoying part of Virgil's brain screamed 'Oh my God they were roommates', but Virgil did his very best to ignore that part. 

In their various trips between the car and elevator, Virgil had learned a few things about Roman.

  1. He loved Disney, unsurprisingly, and appeared to know the entire discography off by heart. 
  2. He was very competitive, and had a quick wit for insults.
  3. He was reluctant to talk about his family, not like Virgil asked, but he dismissed every opportunity he had to talk about them.
  4. He was a total theatre nerd and about as far from a jock as one could possibly be, despite how what appearance may suggest.
  5. He was totally gay.

Virgil hated stereotyping people, as a victim of it all through his high school life, but this dude was  _ totally _ gay. Virgil's gaydar wasn't the highest quality but damn, if Roman was straight then Virgil was mentally healthy. It was absurd to even consider. Plus, Roman had called himself a queen earlier which had to count for something.

"Did you get all that?" Aunt Em asked Virgil, who'd missed her speech/lecture/pep-talk- Virgil had no clue which it had been since he'd been too caught up in his thoughts.

"Call you tonight, stay safe, play nice." He guessed. He glanced over at Patton, who'd come down to help with the final boxes. He smiled. 

Virgil's aunt eyed him suspiciously. She definitely knew he hadn't been paying attention but his guess seemed to have hit the mark because she confirmed, "Yes, exactly that." She looked at Roman. "You have my number if you need, or just want to complain about this trouble maker." 

Virgil wouldn't exactly describe himself as a trouble maker, but when had Roman got Virgil's aunt's number? Had he really not been paying  _ any _ attention? He shot Roman a confused look.

"Of course, it was a pleasure meeting you." Roman shook Aunt Em's hand.

"You too, dear! Take care." Virgil's aunt cooed. She spoke to Virgil and Patton again, "Don't forget to call or text whenever you need, love you both." 

Patton engulfed Aunt Em in a big hug. 

"Love you too." Virgil said, edging towards the final three boxes they needed to take up. Virgil's aunt caught him and pulled him into the bone crushing hug.

"Stay safe." She whispered. 

Virgil pulled away slowly. "I will." He promised. Patron nodded eagarly. 

"Alright. Enjoy yourself boys. Goodbye." Aunt Em unlocked her car and opened the driver's door.

"Bye." The three boys said in unison. 

Virgil's aunt waved a final goodbye and climbed into her car. Virgil knew she wouldn't leave until she saw the three of them safely inside, so he picked up one of the remaining boxes and nudged the others towards Roman and Patton.

"So when's your stuff arriving?" Virgil asked Roman as they entered the apartment building for what felt like the billionth time already. 

Roman gently gently kicked the makeshift doorstep they'd made out of a few empty pages of one of Virgil's notepads out from under the door. He scooped it up with his free hand and stuffed it in one of his pant pockets. "A moving van with all our furniture, as well as my belongings, should be arriving in the next few hours." 

Virgil pressed the button to summon the elevator to their floor. "Cool. Why'd you come so early though?" 

"Wanted to meet the new roomies, plus I had a job interview-audition a few hours ago." 

Virgil had already submitted an online application, and received a job at a local Starbucks as a batista weeks ago. He started in a week. Likewise, Patton had secured a job at a non-profit animal shelter where he'd start a few days later. The idea that Roman hadn't completely secured a job before moving to a new town seemed absurd to Virgil. Was he rich or reckless? Both, maybe? 

Patton, however, seemed completely unconcerned for Roman, perhaps even excited, "Ooh well done! What are you going for?" 

"I auditioned to be a live singer for this lovely restaurant, " He said excitedly. "Of course my dream is to act or perform in musicals, but baby steps."

If you asked Virgil what he thought hell was, his answer would be pretty close to Roman's dream job. Performing to a huge audience of strangers every night was a sure way to boost his anxiety levels into another solar system, and that was way too much effort than Virgil was willing to put into anything. 

Lost in his thoughts, Virgil missed the elevator arriving and his friends entering. 

"Earth to Virgil." Roman said, unaware of the irony of his statement as he clicked his fingers in front of Virgil's face. “I know it’s a bit cramped but I don’t bite, Dr Gloom. Well, not usually.” He laughed. Virgil remained motionless. 

“You two go up, I don’t trust elevators.” Virgil shrugged. Roman nodded and picked up a box; “What are you doing?” Virgil asked. 

Roman passed him a box. “You don’t like elevators so we’ll walk up the stairs, unless you can teleport?” 

“I can walk up some stairs by myself.” Virgil said pointedly, handing the box back to Roman. 

"I'll walk with you," Patton offered, not looking up from the phone that had stolen his attention for the past minute. He was no doubt texting Logan. They hadn't stopped since Patton first sent his roommate application form (yeah, Logan sent them both a form to fill out-- very date collecting bot-like behaviour, Virgil thought). 

"It's okay-" Virgil tried, although he knew it was useless with Patton. 

"No, no. Roman can take the boxes up and meet Logan and I'll walk with you, if that's alright with you?" He asked Roman. 

Roman took the box out of Virgil's hands and placed it next to the others. "Sounds good to me. It was a pleasure meeting you both, see you in a minute." He waited for Patton to walk out before he closed the elevator doors. 

"I think everything's going great so far!" Patton said, leaping up the stairs joyously. Virgil seriously wondered where he got the energy from; he was already tired only five steps in. 

"So far," He repeated. "I still think Logan is a bit sus."

"You'll see in a minute he's a perfectly nice guy." 

"Uh huh, we'll see. I'm literally walking into a lion's den." Virgil called- Parton was almost a whole flight of stairs ahead of him. The neighbours must already hate him, he reckoned. "If he’s actually a bot sent by the government to collect our data and then kill us for our insurance money, you owe me ten bucks.”

“Don’t be silly, Virge! We don’t even  _ have  _ insurance.” Patton responded, still bounding up the steps like a gamer who’s just been told the pizza rolls are ready. “What would the government want with us?”

Virgil muttered something short and insignificant under his breath as he continued to begrudgingly cover the stairs. He secretly hoped that Logan really  _ was _ a bot that would kill them now, anything to spite his own brother. 

Virgil caught up to Patton who was waiting eagerly by the open door of apartment number 11, their future home for at least 3 months (which was how much rent they'd paid in advance because Logan insisted that it was safest to pay for a few months in advance in case jobs fell through or whatnot). Virgil could hear the faint sound of what sounded like arguing, even though Roman and Logan had literally only been around each other for a minute or two. 

"You ready?" Patton asked. 

Virgil anxiously glanced into the apartment.  _ Am I ready?  _ He asked himself. He was moving in with strangers. He couldn't even order his own food at restaurants yet he was moving in with two strangers. Sure, Patton would be there, and Roman seemed nice, and Logan seemed… Well he hadn't met Logan yet but Patton thought highly of him. _ Of course, Patton thinks highly of everyone.  _ He countered. 

"Virgil?" Patton asked, his smile wavering slightly. 

_ Plus, jobs are stressful and I'm hardly reliable,  _ Virgil thought. He remembered the stress of his first job in high-school. That had  _ not  _ ended well. It actually barely began. He lasted two whole days before a major mental breakdown. His other job at a garden centre had lasted much longer, and had sprouted an obsession with houseplants (which he was very sad to be leaving with his aunt, the infamous cactus killer, until her next visit when she could bring them down). He should call his aunt to make sure she found the instructions he left. She'd said to call anyway so-

"Virgil? Deep breaths. " Patton placed a hand on his shoulder. 

Virgil recoiled. "I'm fine. I'm ready." He lied. 


	2. The Lion's Den

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> meeting logan etc

The urban dictionary defined 'clean-cut' as a guy who "has short combed hair, clean shaven face, well dressed, clean breath, & does not smoke." Virgil defined it as Logan Barry. The guy oozed elegance and organisation and general 'I have my life together' vibes. It was fairly intimidating to Virgil who affectionately described himself as a goblin. 

Logan seemed a similar height to Virgil, he reckoned only a tape measure could tell who was taller, or perhaps Logan had that cool measuring feature that most iPhones had. The only noticeable difference in their height was how they carried it. Logan's perfect posture and groomed appearance made him resemble an elegant, sleek, black cat (a look in which his fitted black trousers, polo shirt and sensible shoes contributed heavily to). Virgil, however, had always likened himself to Dan Howell's description of himself in the diss track Virgil had memorised many years ago- 'if winnie the pooh fucked slenderman'. 

Upon noticing Virgil lurking at the door, Logan strode over and confidently extended his hand for Virgil to shake, "Greetings and salutations. My name is Logan Barry, you must be Virgil Summers." 

Virgil hesitantly shook Logan's hand, praying to whicher ancient deity was watching that day for his hand not to be sweaty. "Nice to meet you." 

Logan nodded and released Virgil from his handshake, then walked towards what Virgil assumed was the kitchen on the right. Virgil interpreted that as reluctant acceptance of Virgil’s presence in his life, which was all he could really ask for. 

Virgil looked around the apartment for the first time. His first impression was that it looked smaller than in the pictures, probably because of all the boxes littered around. 

Logan cleared his throat, "I have allocated everybody rooms already, please follow me." He announced, walking to the end of the apartment without checking if anybody was following, which they were, in varying degrees of excitement. 

First was Patton, who bounded after Logan with crazy amounts of energy for someone who'd just endured a 5 hour car journey. Next followed Virgil who really only followed in order to keep close to Patton, his safety net for the next few months as he hopefully got to know Roman and Logan better. Finally, Virgil heard Roman move from wherever he'd been lurking in the apartment that Virgil hadn't spotted and strolled up behind Virgil, standing closer than Virgil thought necessary for the narrow hallway they were now stood in. 

"This first room I thought best for me as it is closest to the exit and my job will often require me to return late a lot of nights and I do not wish to disturb your sleep." Logan said, pushing open the door of the first room, which was slightly separate from the others in the hallway. 

From behind Patton all Virgil could see in the room was that the walls were blindingly white and there was a large window right in the middle of the far wall partially obstructed by a neat pile of boxes. 

Logan moved properly into the hallway in between two white doors. He explained, "On the left is the bathroom. On the right is Roman's room."

Virgil snickered. The bedroom opposite the bathroom was hardly the luxury he expected the fancy peacock-looking Roman would enjoy. And he was exactly right. 

Roman shuffled past Virgil and Patton into his room. "This is tiny!" He exclaimed, "There's no way I can fit all my belongings in here!" 

"It's the second largest room and I sent you all the dimensions of the rooms beforehand." Logan stated simply. 

"Yeah but it was in meters! How am I supposed to know how big a five meter room or whatever is?" 

"Viva la metric system." Virgil said, although all he knew about the metric system was that it didn't measure in miles. 

"Exactly," Logan agreed, "The metric system is more universally used."

"Yeah but America!" Roman protested, his hands flying everywhere as he gestured around the room for 'America'. 

"Don't worry Roman, you can store some stuff in our room if you need." Patton offered. 

Roman thanked Patton just as Virgil blurted out a surprised, "What?!" 

Patton bounced past Logan into the final room. "Look Virge, we have plenty of space in here for Roman."

Everybody filtered into the room. To be fair, it was pretty spacious, Virgil admitted to himself. It was at least double the size of what Virgil had seen of Logan's room, but probably only a couple of feet longer than Roman's (whose room was a perfectly decent size, the drama queen). 

"Maybe. But I'm gonna need a lot of shelf space for my plants when we can get them here." Although it was likely Virgil wouldn't be able to rescue his poor plants for a couple of months when they visited for Christmas. 

"That's the spirit!" 

Virgil looked round the empty room. "When's the furniture arriving?" Virgil had been told they didn't have to bring a bed or shelves or anything, but he was becoming slightly worried about that, since every room so far had been completely empty, other than some ugly white curtains.

"They're coming with my stuff later." Roman said. 

"Yes. You said the moving van would arrive at eighteen-hundred; is that still the case?" 

"Yeah, it'll be here in about an hour." Roman confirmed. 

Virgil nudged Patton and whispered, "Only computers use the twenty-four hour clock."

"Maybe one of his parents was in the army." Patton suggested quietly. 

Virgil supposed that was a reasonable explanation, although his robot theory still held weight. 

"The only boxes we can currently rationally unpack are those that belong in the kitchen so I suggest that half the group stays and unpacks the kitchen while the others go food shopping."

"That sounds like a great idea," Patton agreed, "I don't mind staying and organising the kitchen. Maybe I can bake some cookies after it's all organised! I brought some emergency cookie dough just in case." 

“Alright, so Roman and Patton will stay and unpack the kitchen while Virgil and I shop for this week's groceries.” Logan said decidedly.

Roman quietly whistled the tribute song from The Hunger Games, which earned him a smack on the arm from Virgil. 

Logan continued, “I have created a shopping list based on the allergy and food preference questionnaires  _ most _ of you filled in.” He shot an accusatory glance at Roman, who had presumably neglected to fill out the questionnaire. “The list is on the pass in the kitchen along with a pen if you need to add anything. Virgil, will you be ready to leave in 10 minutes?”

Virgil turned his attention back to Logan. "Uh, sure… How are we getting there?" 

Virgil wasn't particularly thrilled at the prospect of being separated from Patton so early in the day. He'd spoken to Logan for less than ten minutes and now was expected to be able to go shopping with him. Alone. What were they going to do,  _ small talk?  _ Logan didn't seem the type.  _ Sit in silence awkwardly? _ Virgil was very good at that one, although it wasn't his preferred option.  _ Discuss cooking schedules? _ Dear lord, Virgil hoped not. 

Despite his anxiety, Virgil supposed it would probably be beneficial to his relationship with Logan if they got to know each other a little- they lived together, after all. 

“I’ll drive,” Logan said, turning to leave immediately. “I’ll be in my room, see you in 10 minutes Virgil.”

"Gucci. ” Virgil called back. 

Roman jogged out after Logan. “Wait, you have a car? Where’d you park? I couldn't find any spaces in the lot earlier.”

Logan turned in his doorway. “I arrived earlier.” He closed the door. 

“Oh. Okay.” Roman turned back to Patton and shrugged his shoulders. 

“Welp. I’m gonna go start unpacking the kitchen! I can’t wait to make this place seem like home." Patton declared. 

“Ah yes, I see I’ve found a fellow food-loving friend! Allow me to aid you with the kitchen - everything must have its correct place!” Roman hoisted a box off the floor and placed it on the kitchen counter. Patton gave him an enthusiastic smile, then began opening the box.

“Nice. I’ll watch.” said Virgil, hopping up on the breakfast bar. 

“You’re really not going to help? I’m sure you could find a wonderful place for this beautiful Williams-Sonoma spatula, Virgil.” Roman said, waving a shiny silver spatula at Virgil. 

Virgil snatched the spatula out of his hands. “I most certainly could not. My job is shopping, remember?”

"I'd hardly consider that a job." Roman protested. 

“Come on, you two. Be excited! We’re starting a whole new chapter of our lives.” Said Patton, perky as ever. “Say, Virge, where’s that shopping list?”

Virgil grabbed a piece of paper off the counter beside him. "Here."

The shopping list was written neatly on a uniformly folded piece of lined paper. Logan's handwriting was all italic and neatly messy in some bizarre way- like if a doctor had taken a calligraphy course. 

"Please read it for the class." Roman said, hurtling Virgil into flashbacks from English lit in high school.  _ Ah, hell on earth, _ Virgil reminisced. 

Virgil skim read the list. "It's sub-divided into loads of sub categories I can't be bothered to read, which bit do you want?"

"Read the food bit." Roman requested. "I want to know what he thinks humans eat." 

"Oh not both of you!" Patton huffed. 

Virgil cleared his throat dramatically. "Okay so on food we have: batteries, uranium, petrol, lighter fuel, tin cans-"

"He's not a robot!"

Roman opened a box with a knife that seemed to have appeared from nowhere. "Isn't it kind of cannibalism if he eats tin cans?" 

Virgil had never considered robot cannibalism before. "If he's made of like aluminum or something then is it okay for him to eat other types of metal, like how we eat animals but not humans?" 

"Hey I didn't do the food questionnaire. You have no idea what I do and don't eat." Roman said. 

Virgil grabbed the spatula he'd confiscated from Roman earlier and pointed it at Roman like a sword. "I think I was worried about the wrong roommate murdering me."

Patton ignored the potential cannibal threat and handed Roman a box for him to open with his mysterious knife. "Actually Logan is a vegetarian, so maybe he eats vegetable oil."

Roman stabbed the box. "That is brilliant."

"Or paper." Virgil suggested. 

"Why paper?" 

"Shredders?" Patton guessed.Virgil finger gunned him. His blessed brother was always on the same wavelength as him. 

“Wait. How do you know he’s a vegetarian anyways, Pat?” Asked Virgil, finally processing it. 

“I checked the answers to his questionnaire to see if he's allergic to anything. They were all on the word doc he sent us."

“Is he?”

“Nope, he's just lucky I guess.” Patton sighed. "I'm allergic to cats." He explained to Roman. 

"That doesn't stop you from petting every single one you see." Virgil said disapprovingly. 

"They're so soft! And friendly!" 

Roman pointed a wooden spoon at Patton, "You're absolutely right, cats are the best." 

“What about you, Prince? Fatally allergic to anything?"

"Why do you want to know, Count Drabula?" 

"Just curious, jeez. I'd hate to accidentally make your head swell up so it couldn't fit in your crown."

"That would be royally sad." Patton chuckled. 

"Not as sad as the truth." Roman said dramatically, "I'm allergic to flowers."

Virgil looked quizzically at Patton.  _ Was this guy seriously brooding over hay fever?  _

Roman saw their confused faces and assumably mistook them for pity. "I know, it's a tragedy." He added unironically. 

"Oh that's a shame?" Patton said uncertainly. It was obvious why a pollen allergy would be inconvenient, but not why it would be that big a deal. 

"A shame? It's devastating!" Roman exclaimed, falling back and draping himself over the uncovered part of the counter he was sitting on. Virgil cringed at how close Roman's head was to a pile of knives (granted they were butter knives and could do Roman little harm, but to Virgil they seemed like freshly sharpened words). Really, Roman and Patton should start putting away the dangerous objects--their job wasn't just to unpack everything and leave it piled up on whatever surface they could find. 

While Virgil stressed about mountains of knives in the kitchen, Roman continued his dramatic monologue. "I can never give my love a bouquet of wild flowers I picked for them during an adventure or receive a bundle of roses on Valentine's day. My romantic gifts are confined to chocolates and novelty teddy bears and thus are doomed to fail."

"I'm sure you'll find some-bud-y to love. Plus, flowers are beautiful but you can't eat them." Patton reassured him. He thought for a second, "Well you can, but you probably shouldn't. I wouldn't put them in my own tulips."

Virgil ignored Patton's puns to focus on Roman's stupid statements. He considered Roman's leap between a basic pollen allergy and dying alone to be a rather big one but that wasn't the most outrageous thing Roman had said. 

"Chocolates are far superior to picked flowers," Virgil protested, "They just die after a couple of days, giving a live plant just makes so much more sense." 

"Virgil you barely have enough shelf room for all your plants as it is, I'm not sure you could fit any more.” Patton chimed in. 

“Well, it’s not like I have a long list of potential suitors bringing me plants. I’m sure I have plenty of room to add to my collection at any time  _ i _ wish. I’m sorry you’re allergic to plants, though, Roman. I really do love them.”

"Thank you Virgil. With your sympathy I just might live to see another day."

"Oh I'm so glad to help in any way except unpacking which, I don't know if you remember, is what you're meant to be doing instead of napping on the counter." He pointed out. 

“Killjoy” Roman said, sitting up. 

“Are you trying to insult me?” asked Virgil. “‘Cause just saying, that’s not an insult.”

“My bad my bad, I forgot you were emo for a second there.”

Patton, who had been standing by and giggling at the conversation for the past few minutes, focused his attention back on the multitude of unpacked boxes. 

“Alright boys I hate to interrupt, but shall we continue with the unpacking? Let’s start with the pots and pans, then we can move on to the exciting stuff - plates and spices.”

Roman turned back to Patton. “Sounds good!”

For five whole minutes Roman and Patton actually managed to unpack some boxes without any dramatic monologues. They kept up a nice conversation and only had 2 spatula fights (both caused by Virgil out of boredom, although he lost to Roman both times--the dude must've taken fencing lessons at some point, and poor Patton got fake stabbed within 3 seconds of the battles). The unpacking finally came to hault when Logan entered. He looked disapprovingly at the large piles of kitchen utensils stacked up on the surfaces unorganised, but didn't comment on it 

“Are you ready to leave, Virgil?” He asked in a completely emotion-devoid tone. 

Virgil glanced over at him, hopping off the counter. “Yea, I guess. How much cash should I bring?”

“We’ll need to discuss a system for groceries once we return, but for this first trip I suggest we divide the cost equally between us.” Logan responded. 

“That sounds good to me! Have fun you guys.” Said Patton. 

Virgil began walking towards the door. “Aight. Let’s head out. Hasta la vista losers.” 

Roman gave a little snicker. “May the odds be ever in your favor, my dude.”

Virgil confidently flipped up his middle finger in Roman’s direction without turning around.

Logan held open the door as Virgil stepped through it, taking a moment to turn around and address the others. “Goodbye. I estimate our return to be in approximately 45 minutes.”

The boys made it as far as the elevator before Virgil paused. “Wait. Did you grab the shopping list?”

“What? No. I assumed you had it. You were holding it, after all.”

Virgil had to concede that that was a rational assumption, though anyone who knew him well enough would never trust him to remember something. “My bad, gimme a sec. I’ll go pick it up.”

Upon opening the apartment door, Virgil was greeted by the discordant smashing sound of ceramic on hardwood floor. 

Logan immediately turned around in the hallway. “What was that?” the shock apparent in his voice. He walked pointedly back into the apartment.

“I don’t know it sounded like something smashi-” Virgil was cut off by Logan throwing an accusing question at Patton and Roman. 

“Did you just smash something?”

Patton and Roman were standing at opposite ends of the kitchen, both with extreme looks of guilt on their faces. Three different answers shot back at Logan.

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Maybe.”

Virgil’s eyes fell on a very clearly smashed plate on the floor of the kitchen. “Were… were you playing frisbee…? With the… with the plate?” He joked. 

Roman shot a look to Patton, who returned it with an equally awkward glance. 

“Wait. Were you  _ actually _ ?”

“Well not at  _ first _ . We were just unpacking. But then Roman thought that throwing the plates would be much more… efficient.” as Patton explained this brilliant idea out loud, it became clear that he was all too aware how absurd it sounded. 

Logan, stating the all-too-obvious, decided to point out that this was not an efficient plan.

Roman gave him a pointed look. “Well it  _ would _ have been efficient if I was working with someone who could actually catch.” He turned toward Patton. “No offense of course, Patton.”

Patton swept his hand through the air like he was literally brushing off the comment. 

"Oh, no worries, it's true." He agreed.

"For safety reasons, I think it would be wise if somebody swept up the plate shards immediately. ” Logan reasoned.

"I'll do it!" Patton volunteered, searching through the cleaning boxes for a dustpan and brush. It didn't take long, since there was only one, but he still didn't find it, "Oh dear, I think we've forgotten the dustpan and brush." 

"Let me check." Roman said, rooting through the boxes. "Uh, what colour is it?" He asked. 

"Ooh, it's a lovely dark blue." Patton replied. 

Roman pulled out a blue dustpan and brush, "Aha! A new set of eyes always helps." He knelt and swept up the plate fragments, Logan occasionally pointing at a piece he missed, and Virgil trying to suppress his snickering as Roman imitated Logan when he turned his back. 

Logan didn't notice. He suggested,"Perhaps it would be best if I went shopping alone and Virgil stayed to…" He looked between Roman and Patton, "Optimise productivity."

_ Wow, in a room where Virgil was considered responsible, the present company must be comprised of complete dumbasses _ , Virgil thought. He wasn't exactly known for  _ optimising _ productivity. 

"I'll go with you, Logan." Patton leapt off of the counter, knocking off a stack of five-or-so plates that he'd placed next to himself instead of actually putting away anything they'd been unpacking. Fortunately, only one plate smashed, two miraculously caught by Roman too quickly for Virgil to see and another two cushioned by a pack of sponges that had presumably been dropped earlier. Patton looked down at the mess and cleared his throat, looking just slightly embarrassed. "Yea. I think I should go with you.” 

Logan, ignoring the plates Patton had just toppled, responded with a curt, “Alright."

Patton followed Logan to the door, giving a wave to Virgil and Roman. “Bye guys! See you soon.”

“Goodbye. We’ll work on your catching game when you get home,” Roman said with a smile. 

Patton shot finger guns at him, then headed out with Logan. After reaching the elevator for the second time, Logan turned to Patton.

“I must check that you have the shopping list Virgil put next to you."

Patton checked his pockets and felt a crinkled pice of paper, "Yep, we're good to go." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i planned to have this out so much earlier but corona blues hit me and my editor HARD which delayed stuff a bit but hey we're finally here hope you're all doing great ❤️
> 
> if you feel like it please leave a comment bc even a keyboard smash can motivate me for hours lol xx

**Author's Note:**

> OK so here's the update on my life nobody asked for  
I went as beetlejuice for a school charity event where we dress up as whatever and a surprising number of people recognised me so that was fun and on a side note I also discovered like 2 weeks ago there's a musical version of my fave crazy Tim Burton film  
Um also my plant collection has at least doubled in size   
yeah anyway I'm really excited about this new story which has strayed pretty far from the first one minus like 2 chapters or whatever (which I'm gonna leave up because it's so different even though they have the same name I know it's confusing I'm sorry)  
also props to Erin my co writer she's a goddess and a lifesaver   
I hope u guys enjoy and thanks for sticking with me for a whole year and a bit


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